found the other keg... it's in the tree
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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