my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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