I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
