Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
