It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
