You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize