dude i'm inner monologue high
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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