i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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