The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
