your parents love me but you hate me
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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