SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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