she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
