This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
NoShamevember. You game?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
