I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
