DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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