you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
