i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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