We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
