peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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