and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
