So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
