Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
