Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
