I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
