i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
