is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize