i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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