Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
