Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
