Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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