anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize