Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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