I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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