Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
