for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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