New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
