I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I touched a dick in church today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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