so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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