Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
