2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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