Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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