just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
