Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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