We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
