your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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