yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
