And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
