doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
