I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
