but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
