Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
