So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
