Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
