you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Less talking, more tequila
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
