the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was like eating out sand paper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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