The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize