I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
