apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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