my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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