i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your cock deserves a montage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
