I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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