Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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