My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
