why didn't you poke me back
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
